I just want to break the world.
I want to see it snap in two. And again.
And again. And again, until there is nothing left.
Nothing but the dust, and sweat and tears and blood.
For all the times that you think that there is nothing in the world giving you even the slightest glimmer of joy, when you think that there's nothing left and no more hope.
For all those times. Know that there will be a time when you are right.
The universe is chaos, is creation and destruction is wonder and beauty and emptiness. It is the void and it is everything there ever was, and everything that will ever be. All of the possibilities, all of the pain and the happiness. All of it. All of the birth, and all of the death. Every single thing, living or dead and for everything that never was.
How dare the world keep turning, the sun still shine ? How can they possibly do so when he is no longer here ? How ? It isn't fare, it isn't right. It just makes no bloody sense.
I close my eyes. My brain tricking me again, providing me with memories of him holding me. Protecting me against the night. The feeling of his breath against my neck. The way his stubble scratches me. His big, powerful arms wrapped around me, holding me close. His warmth. His smell. That gentle touch as his fingers delicately trace circles and ellipses on my skin.
But it is just the universe being unkind. He isn't here, and now, never can be. I don't want to cry, but cannot help it. How I thought that I ran out of tears days ago, but every day I prove myself wrong. Maybe the emptiness in my heart is filled instead with tears. Endless fucking tears that will never bring him back, never bring him close to me.
